The life of a degenerate
I guess only extreme emotions prompt me to any action whatsoever. The last time i posted i was 'extreme'ly happy n blissful abt dont-know-what and had to record those feelings somewhere and this time around too, i feel 'extreme'ly despondent and very much down in the dumps. Hence the blog!!
This feeling of being degenerate is nothing new to me. This, i believe, is the cumulative effect of say, a few months. Over the last 3 1/2 months, i have done pratically nothing, except the very necessary life processes. I have carefuly evaded all activity which may in the slightest lead to any stimulation of my brain. I have been a passive onlooker in all activities. I dont know how things have suddenly come to this head. I have always thought that though it is true that i am not interested in most of the things in my life(like my academics) , i have got accustomed to slugging it out somehow to make the grade. I thought i was somehow fortunate that though i wasnt interested in them, i was passable in a majority of things. All that was until last sem. Come final sem, i am all at sea. I am actually unable now to work on things that are not interesting to me. All around me, i see people working on their projects(passionate or otherwise), while i listlessly while away my time doing god-knows-what. Come to think of it, i am actually surprised at myself. How do i spend 24 HOURS in a day?? I wake up at around 7:30 in the morning( wouldnt like to miss my breakfast at 8:00 , u see?) and i am quickly bored and unhappy with life by 10:00. The rest of the day just drags on and on until i sleep again at 12:00 in the night. Life for me is all about the meals- breakfast, lunch, tea, dinner and of course, sleep and all in between, its a complete void. This is not to say that i am an obese food freak but to say that i keep track of the passing time only by these mealtimes. Rest of the time, i shuttle between rooms and the lab looking for any kind of conversation, whether real or the virtual one on orkut or meebo.I spend time managing to log on and off meebo n orkut 8-10 times a day on the average. I dont read anything, leaving alone the ogling at the girls in Ahmedabad Times and all the gossip the tabloid sites can dish out. I also dont believe in any kind of undue strain on the body, so physical activity ruled out. I believe it is all this inactivity that is getting to me. .And now, i dont know how to pull myself out of this rut. I am almost filled with self-pity at this point, a very base emotion in my view.
This feeling of being degenerate is nothing new to me. This, i believe, is the cumulative effect of say, a few months. Over the last 3 1/2 months, i have done pratically nothing, except the very necessary life processes. I have carefuly evaded all activity which may in the slightest lead to any stimulation of my brain. I have been a passive onlooker in all activities. I dont know how things have suddenly come to this head. I have always thought that though it is true that i am not interested in most of the things in my life(like my academics) , i have got accustomed to slugging it out somehow to make the grade. I thought i was somehow fortunate that though i wasnt interested in them, i was passable in a majority of things. All that was until last sem. Come final sem, i am all at sea. I am actually unable now to work on things that are not interesting to me. All around me, i see people working on their projects(passionate or otherwise), while i listlessly while away my time doing god-knows-what. Come to think of it, i am actually surprised at myself. How do i spend 24 HOURS in a day?? I wake up at around 7:30 in the morning( wouldnt like to miss my breakfast at 8:00 , u see?) and i am quickly bored and unhappy with life by 10:00. The rest of the day just drags on and on until i sleep again at 12:00 in the night. Life for me is all about the meals- breakfast, lunch, tea, dinner and of course, sleep and all in between, its a complete void. This is not to say that i am an obese food freak but to say that i keep track of the passing time only by these mealtimes. Rest of the time, i shuttle between rooms and the lab looking for any kind of conversation, whether real or the virtual one on orkut or meebo.I spend time managing to log on and off meebo n orkut 8-10 times a day on the average. I dont read anything, leaving alone the ogling at the girls in Ahmedabad Times and all the gossip the tabloid sites can dish out. I also dont believe in any kind of undue strain on the body, so physical activity ruled out. I believe it is all this inactivity that is getting to me. .And now, i dont know how to pull myself out of this rut. I am almost filled with self-pity at this point, a very base emotion in my view.
posted by sasi at 1:38 AM
1 Comments:
Man... u sure have a way with words! I havent done anything on the project front too, just that I have fortunately had some other things to while away time on. But know wht?!, last month n after this we wont get this free time. So, juz chill and enjoy! Juz do wht u feel like! No wonder, there ll b time when pressure ll put u into dng things u dnt lk, thtz probly a coupla weeks ahead. Till then, juz relax!
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